


soldier

by HeartHarps



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Phone Sex, Smut, cis women au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 14:35:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15488010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartHarps/pseuds/HeartHarps
Summary: Trixie is a rising country music star. Katya teaches yoga in LA. They’re in love, and then Trixie goes on tour.





	soldier

**Author's Note:**

> This started as Trixie playing _Soldier_ for Katya for the first time. I didn't want this to be one of those stories where two people become really co-dependent, and their being in a sexual and romantic relationship together solves all of their problems. But it might sort of be one of those stories. Please know that this is does not happen in real life and this is a very unhealthy way to view relationships! We out here with the #lifeadvice  
>  If you haven't listened to Trixie's album One Stone, I recommend you listen to _Soldier_ before reading this. There's also one joke about _Red Side of the Moon_. If I can get into country music for Trixie, so can y'all. #autoharp  
>  AU where fans respect their idols’ privacy, lol

She didn’t have anything better to do that night, so Katya ate junk food and smoked on the couch while wearing overpriced yoga apparel until the phone rang. When it finally did, she snatched it up instantly. 

“Hey baby,” Katya said into the receiver, already smiling.

“Hi! Oh my god, hey honey,” Trixie gushed.

“Everything okay?”

“Yep! I’m…just amazing, now that I’m calling you.”

“Uh, how’s Chicago?”

“Oh my god. So. Beautiful. I love this city, Kat.”

“That’s good. How was the show?”

“Really great! The audience was awesome. They all sang along, which was nice. Plus, I got my first bra thrown on stage!”

“No way!”

“I’m keeping it. I’ll make you wear it some time.”

“That’s disgusting, I love it.”

“Oh! Plus, this morning, we finished the demo for  _ Soldier _ .”

Katya’s heart skipped a beat. “That’s great!” She knew  _ Soldier _ was the song Trixie had been writing for her, specifically, and wanted to wait months until she had at least a semi-produced version before letting Katya even know the lyrics.

“I’ll send it to you. Put it on speaker so we can listen together,” Trixie asked, and Katya quickly went for her laptop.

_ Wow. Wow _ , was all Katya could think, heart beating faster and faster at the prospect of finally hearing this thing she had been desperate to hear during these last few amazing months. Katya loved everything Trixie did, she loved all her music, but this was different. “Can you hear me?” Katya asked, as she set the phone down and put in on speaker.

“ _ Yep _ ,” The phone said.

Katya clicked on the mp3 file and listened.

As the song started to play, she managed to recognize the instrument playing the opening lick as that flugel horn thing that Trixie sometimes went off about, and then she was singing.

_ Weirdness follows me wherever I go. Weirdness seems to know me even better than I seem to know myself _ .

_ Fuck _ , Katya thought. She loved it.

She listened and listened in silence, her phone relaying silence as well, as she took in the words and breathed in time. She felt the strum of the guitar in her stomach. Her fingers twitched along with the consonants Trixie pronounced. 

_ Woah woah soldier, you gotta let things go _ , Trixie sang.

That was went Katya started to cry.

Lying sideways on the couch, her face pinched up and then a tear ran over her cheek. She sniffled. Trixie didn’t say anything. As the song continued, Katya tried to breathe deep and fan herself but her face stayed hot and she had to keep wiping salt away from her eyes.

_ Oh soldier, take your time. _ _   
_ _ No one said the words all have to rhyme, and if they do it's fine. _ _   
_ _ And even if they don't, no one needs to know. _ _   
_ __ Woah woah soldier, you gotta let things go.

The last few seconds of instruments played out, and then Katya’s sharp breaths were the only sounds left. She sniffled. 

“Honey?” Trixie said.

“I love it, baby,” Katya said, grabbing the phone and putting as close to her body as she could. “I love it. It's amazing.”

“You liked it?”

“Of course. I love it. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Oh, fuck,” Katya said, still crying. “I miss you,” She said, and sort of instantly regretted it, because they tried to avoid saying those words a lot.

But Trixie immediately said, “I miss you too, hon. I…” She paused, and Katya waited, so she went on. “I just think you're so strong. And you’re always joking but you take everything so seriously. You can…You need to relax sometimes.”

Katya heaved a big breath. In a small voice, she said, “Yeah.”

“Yeah?” Trixie echoed.

“Yes, you're right,” Katya breathed. “God. I love it. I can't…You're amazing.”

“Okay!” Trixie said, in a light and loud voice. “Enough crying! How was work today?”

Katya's mind flashed back over the day of teaching yoga to skinny blonde people. “Fine. Good. I almost murdered that Gwyneth Paltrow wannabe.”

Trixie laughed through the phone, and the sound soothed Katya's soul. “Please follow through next time,” She asked, and in the moment, Katya felt like she would commit a hundred murders for her.

Then Trixie sighed, and they were quiet. Katya thought about her love, miles away, lying on a hotel bed all alone. Halfway to stardom, an incredible musician in every right. Adored by thousands. Truly loved by Katya.

“I miss you,” Trixie said again, so quietly that Katya pressed the phone impossibly closer to her ear. “I miss…your hands.”

The gushy romantic feelings suddenly morphed into hot desire in Katya's stomach, as Trixie said those words and she remembered the last time her hands had been on Trixie's skin. Katya rolled onto her back. Her voice was low when she said, “What do you miss about them?”

“Hmm,” Trixie hummed into the phone. “I miss your hands on my face, and my stomach. In my…hair…” 

When Katya heard a strangled gasp she asked, “Are you touching yourself?”

“...Maybe.”

“Fuck, baby,” Katya muttered, as her own hand slipped inside her yoga pants. “I wanna touch you so bad.”

Trixie just whined into the phone. 

Katya wished she was there, feeling and seeing everything that Trixie was. “Tell me what you want.”

“Well first, I want the be-all-end-all of reunion kisses,” Trixie said, which made them both laugh. But even the thought of a hug and a sweet kiss with her made Katya's fingers speed up where it was pushing around her clit. “I want you to fuck me harder than you ever have.”

Katya groaned. She was close, so close already. Everything between her legs was throbbing. “Yes.”

“Katya.”

“Yes.”

“I want you— _ oh _ ,” Trixie moaned.

Katya knew she was orgasming. She could see her head thrown back and her hips shuddering. Katya wasn't far behind, fingers jerking wildly as she curled into the couch. 

“Fuck. Katya.”

“Trixie,” Katya whispered, pretending Trixie was right there with her. She ignored the rough upholstery that surrounded her to pretend she was being swallowed in Trixie’s silky nightgown.

They just breathed over the phone for a minute.

Long-distance was hard.

“Hey,” Katya said, voice raspy now.

“Shit. I,” Trixie started, and Katya could hear her fumbling around. “I have to be up early. I gotta go.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too. So much. I'm gonna see you soon, okay?”

“Okay. Be good. Bye.”

“Bye.”

 

\+ One year later

 

Katya was so, totally, fine. She was great. 

Her girlfriend was gone again but their joint credit card wasn't, which was all she needed—as she had eventually learned during Trixie's first trip around the country. 

She didn’t have anything better to do that day, so Katya went shopping at an overpriced yoga apparel store while wearing overpriced yoga apparel. She ignored the sales attendants. She looked exclusively in the ‘new arrivals’ section and found a disheartening lack of newness. 

Then, the music changed from some slow, ambient ballad to an upbeat country song.

Katya was sobbing before the flugel horn solo ended.

What started as stinging eyes and full lungs left her bent over, hanging to a rack for dear life. Katya cried, loudly. She clutched at her chest. She wished her ears would stop working so she didn’t have to hear Trixie’s voice singing about in love they were. 

“Oh my god, are you okay?”

Katya’s breaths came in heaves as she lowered herself to the ground, unable to stop all of the emotions from being felt all at once. People were looking at her. She shook her head and wiped her face but she was still crying. 

Trixie kept singing.

Katya’s face was on fire. Her whole body shook against the wall.

_ Am I really keeping time or is it only keeping me instead? _

_ Go back to bed _ . 

 

An hour later, Katya was sitting on a plane. 

She flew to Seattle. She clutched her backpack carrying a change of clothes to her chest. She played loud Russian pop music in her big, noise-canceling headphones the whole way, but she couldn’t stop hearing Trixie sing.  _ You’ve got time to grow. You gotta let things go _ .

She spat the name of the theatre to the cab driver and tried not to cry all the way there. She slipped the driver a 20 to let her smoke out the window. The car slowed when they started driving along the packed sidewalks, so Katya ordered, “Just drop me off around the back.”

The driver looked skeptical at all the security, but promptly wiped all emotion off his face when Katya threw him another bill.

The men in black outside the gate started shaking their heads at her as soon as she got out, but she sauntered up quickly. She couldn’t act important right then, so she just acted angry and hid behind big sunglasses. She felt angry, at herself. “Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova,” She announced. “I’m on the list. I’m on every list.”

She was on the list. 

Katya was begrudgingly led inside dangerously close to showtime, but found herself watching an assistant knock on Trixie’s dressing room door anyways. She took off her sunglasses.

“Ms. Mattel? Sorry, I—”

“Katya?” Trixie said, seeing her in the mirror of her vanity and immediately standing, and turning. 

Katya breathed, heavy with tears again as they welled up inside her. “Baby,” She managed. Her voice sounded broken.

The assistant got out of the way as Trixie rushed to hug Katya and Katya let her. 

Katya breathed her perfume, felt her hair tickle her face, soft body press into hers. It was an amazing feeling, and Katya was crying through it. “I’m  _ hic _ so  _ hic _ sorry,” She stammered, trying to breathe and talk and cry and love all at once.

“No no no,” Trixie said, brushing at Katya’s tears. She quickly shut the door and then pulled Katya over to the couch.

Katya just cried. Trixie gave her water and held her hand. It took a solid chunk of time, but eventually Katya could breathe evenly. “I’m sorry,” She said, not knowing where else to start.

“You know you don’t have to be sorry,” Trixie promised, totally calm, but beyond her voice there was a not-quiet discussion happening in the hallway.

The dressing room door pushed open again. Katya put her hands in her face.

“Don’t—” The assistant warned.

“Trixie, 5 minutes—” Someone else started, anyways.

“Shut the  _ fuck _ up, Martina,” Trixie commanded from the couch.

“I said—”

“What’s going on?”

“Get out,” Trixie spat again, “I’ll go on when I want to.”

Katya shook her head and didn’t look up as she listened to the assistant and Martina leave. At the slam of the door, she stood up. “I should go.”

“No,” Trixie said, gently pulling Katya back onto the couch and into her arms. “Stay.”

So Katya did. All she wanted was to be in Trixie’s hug, so she let herself be. She breathed and felt the liquid slowly seep out of her lungs. She remembered falling in love like this, close, and quiet. The months of grime and rust built up around her heart fell away. Katya didn’t know how long it had been—ten seconds or the full five minute warning—but she didn’t speak until she was ready. “I had to see you. I broke down crying in a mall,” She said, already poking fun at herself.

“Oh no, honey,” Trixie said, slightly amused. She rubbed her thumb over Katya’s cheek, and when she didn’t elaborate, asked, “What’s wrong?”

Katya didn’t know. When had she ever known anything? She was so fucking stupid. This was a terrible idea. “I think,” She said anyways, “I felt like we replaced each other with that, that fucking song.”

“Kat, honey—”

“It’s like you’re telling me to relax and let go so I did, I let go of everything, including you,” Katya said, still nestled in Trixie’s arms and very much holding onto her for dear life. She twisted her head to look up into Trixie’s eyes. “I just…I miss you.”

Trixie exhaled loudly and sat up. She pushed Katya over and took her hands again. “First of all, you know that song was only ever meant to bring us closer together.”

“I know,” Katya interjected, “I know! I love it! I just—”

“Second, fuck yoga,” Trixie announced. “Pick a new language to learn and come on tour with me.”

Katya was shocked at the idea. It came out of nowhere, but it instantly struck her as something she would love to do. She hadn’t learned a new language since college, years ago, but she had once told Trixie she was a language student first and a woman second.

“You need a change of scenery. You need to let go of everything that you think makes your life, your life.”

“Yes.”

Trixie was frozen. Then, “What?”

“You’re right, as always. I’ll do it.”

“Oh my god,” She said, as Katya nodded repeatedly. “Katya.”

“Fuck yoga, right?”

Trixie laughed and pulled Katya into a hug. They let themselves feel joy together. After a moment, Trixie said, “Have you reached your limit of crazy ideas for today?”

To which Katya leaned back and said, “Never.”

 

Two hours later, Trixie was  _ almost _ done showing Seattle just how many birds she could hit with one stone (spoiler alert: it was two). She set up the stool and mic stand so her body would be facing almost directly stage right. Trixie sat down, turned her head to the crowd, and started talking.

“I want to thank you all for being here tonight, and sharing this experience with me. My music has always been about bringing people closer together, and I think the fact that you’re all here means I’m doing something right.” Trixie adjusted the mic stand and let the people cheer for a moment. “So, tonight, I have a little surprise. As I hope you all know, I’m a gay person who specializes in gay activities.”

Big cheer. 

“If you didn’t know that, go listen to  _ Red Side of the Moon _ again.”

Big laugh. Trixie threw a glance offstage to where Katya was standing, next to a stage director with their thumb up.  _ All set. Ready when you are _ . 

That night, Katya had watched the show from the wings. She had seen the One Stone show before, of course, but tonight it meant something a little different to Trixie that Katya had been there. Every outfit change, Trixie had made sure to squeeze Katya’s arm while running past, and Katya had always been wearing a winning smile. She’d looked happy. Trixie hoped she was happy.

Well, she’d agreed to what Trixie was about to do, so she must have been at least a little entertained.

“But, uh, I’m going to sing a song. It’s called  _ Soldier _ .” People screamed, but Trixie didn’t pause. “And tonight I thought I would sing it to the person I wrote it about, who happens to be a wonderful person with whom I engage in gay activities. Please welcome my girlfriend Katya.”

It was the loudest cheer of the night, but Trixie couldn’t hear a thing. She was looking at Katya beam and walk onstage and wave. Trixie silently thanked Katya for throwing the simple black dress into her backpack before she left, because Trixie would have let her come out in yoga pants, but she looked  _ so good _ in that dress. She’d borrowed some of Trixie’s makeup and she was stage-ready.

Katya sat down on a stool that a stage hand rushed out. They were looking right at each other. Trixie let herself stare, and smile, and ignore the cheers and whistles. “I know,” She started, to try and get the crowd settled down. She looked out and repeated, “I know you’re all here for the music, but I just want to say this. It means a lot to me that this woman is here tonight. She is, my everything. I can’t wait to continue to love and support her for as long as she’ll let me, and I hope this song explains that.”

 

Okay, maybe Katya just had to accept that she was always going to cry when she heard that song.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Comment your favourite part if you want a sequel. :)


End file.
